Final Fantasy

I went to KV today, breaking my house arrest cycle. Did not have much to do and began wondering why I was there. None of my friends were around so in the company of my frothy caramel macchiato, I sipped the lonely morning away making notes off my World Development study guide, pondering over the political philosophies of John Locke and Thomas Hobbes’s, linking their approaches with state and market theories and how they are key features in understanding development. Moving on, these theories were further used and expanded by Adam Smith in his philosophy on capitalism and along came Modernization theories, which were compared and contrasted with Classical Liberalism and popularist notions … etc, etc … oh believe me, I’m not intending to sound smart, I’m just pretending that I am …

The Starbucks waitress asked me where my tall friend was. I told her my tall friend was sleeping at home. I was amused and not the least bit surprised by her description of SH as ‘tall’, considering the poor lady must spend most of her day shouting ‘tall’ this and ‘tall’ that. It was funny. I love that I can laugh inside this inner corner of myself when I’m alone, without it showing on my face. Like when I’m reading a funny book in a café, I laugh on the inside while my face remains blank. Enviable couples or business folks around me may pass piteous glances. I mean, anyone who leaves home and comes all the way to a café to read must be sad, right? They don’t know I live with, mashallah, seven people. It is a blessing but sometimes, ‘me time’ is required and having your dosage of inner laughter then is almost inevitable. Unlike inner conversations that have words, inner laughter has no sound. It’s merely an essence. It can only be felt. Wow - such soulful revelations from the everyday actions of a Starbucks waitress …

So – thankfully SH arrived at around noon and we had our conversations about long heels, coats, J’s intellectually challenging engineering project, cake recipes, XYZ’s failure to handle her pregnancy, nail polish … it felt good seeing her after almost a month. Girlfriends are all about expressing yourselves and seeking values in your insights and not caring whether you're queens or plain bimbos with nothing better to do.

I came home panic-stricken. I have so much to study and so little time. The self-help lover/loser in me typically started to look up ‘time compression’ online. I wanted to know whether there are practical techniques that if applied, would help me squeeze all the readings and writings I needed to do to get good grades and graduate with a first class honours degree – all of this within 5 weeks. It turns out ‘time compression’ is Final Fantasy VIII’s story plot; how ironic ... given my search for fantasies.

Perhaps one practical technique would be to get off this chair and move to my study table. I don’t want to do poorly in my exams and be looking at a low graded degree a few months from now and then approach the Internet to search for ‘time reversal’, only to find out it is the story plot of Final Fantasy XIV or something … Inshallah, that wouldn’t happen. Maybe for Final Fantasy but I hope it doesn’t become my pro-final exams result fantasy.

Well wishers – do your thing =)